I wasn't sleeping and it was getting to me.
For the first week of school, I would find myself awake in the middle of the night worried about something, stressed about something, filled with anxiety about something — what in the world was the something? Classes hadn't started yet. I had nothing in particular to be worried about — other than I had never taught high school before and I didn't know what I was doing, of course.
I would find myself unable to sleep with all this free-floating anxiety banging around in my head. Between the hours of 2 a.m. and 3 or 4 a.m. (one time from 2 a.m. to 5 a.m.), I could be found working on lesson plans or typing blog entries or playing Tetris. Then I would drag myself back to bed and sleep fitfully until the alarm at 6 a.m.
One night I had a legitimate anxiety. I had been working in the computer lab at school that day and had seen some of the other teachers enter and leave the computer lab through the back door, which doesn't normally get used. I woke up at around 12 a.m. convinced I had forgotten to lock that door before I came home. I let that anxiety bang around in my head for several hours until I couldn't take it anymore. Then I went about the oh-so-subtle process of waking up Cale — without actually looking like I was trying to wake him up. The goal? To unload my worries and have him say something comforting that would make me feel better or to have him accompany me to the school in the middle of the night to check the door.
I should start another sidebar on the blog. It will be reasons why I am happy I am married to Cale. It will include butt boil bandaging, delicious food cooking and 2 a.m. trips to check doors that turned out to be securely locked accompanying.
P.S. No worries, I am sleeping fine now. Please don't feel the need to send me any crazy herbs.