For reasons I cannot comprehend, Cale hates to get his haircut by professionals. Instead he usually insists on having me cut his hair. For his typical low-guard-all-over-the-head-with-some-clean-up-around-the-ears-and-nape-of-the-neck haircut, this isn't much of a problem for me. However, on rare occasions, Cale decided he wants to have a "trim" or "style" of some sort, yet continues to insist that I do the hair cutting. Today was one of those days.
Cale wanted to retain the length he had on top and wanted me to trim up the sides. I was none too excited. I became less excited after Cale found a YouTube video with instructions on how to accomplish this haircut and then instead of having me watch it, he watched it himself, closed the window and then proceeded to call me into the room so he could recreate the video for me through mime*. After it became clear that we might have better results if I actually watched the how-to video myself instead of getting the information second hand, we spend a ridiculously long time looking for the video again on YouTube. We found several how to cut men's hair videos, but none of them were the one Cale wanted me to see.
*On a side note, Cale is fond of locating hilarious videos on YouTube and closing the window or navigating away from them before calling me into the room to see said video and then spending a ridiculous amount of time locating said video again.
Anyway, Cale demonstrations indicated to me that he basically wanted me to clipper a circle around his head (in a very particular fashion, of course) that dipped down in the back. It seemed like a bad idea to me, but I agreed and clippered around his head. Unbeknownst to me, this hair cutting wasn't going to stop with the clippers (a device that I am only marginally comfortable with). Oh no, it was going to require scissors as well (a device I am entirely uncomfortable with). This is when things started to get really out of hand.
Apparently I was to gather the hair between my fingers in some manner. Having done this the hair on the top would be longer and the hair on the bottom would be shorter and I was to cut up at an angle so that the hair on top was shorter, but still longer than the bottom. This was in some way supposed to soften out what was now a harsh clipper line around Cale's head. Instead, I appeared to make jagged cut lines on the side of his head. This was not going well.
It was at this point that I started to protest loudly about how stupid his head looked. Cale kept insisting that it "looked fine," but I knew that this was coming from the guy that was fine with the mulhawk, bleached-blonde dreadlocks and that punker cut where you shave the whole head except for one long lock in the front. It did not "look fine."
After much back and forth, I was finally able to convince Cale that he needed to see a professional. However, I had some conditions. He was going to need to explain what happened to his head to the haircutter and he could in no way blame me. If it was necessary to tell the haircutter his wife had done this to his head, he needed to preface it with the knowledge that it was under duress. Also, he was going to need to wear a hat in public until it was remedied.
He is out finding a haircutter as we speak. Hopefully his hair is salvageable.