Wednesday, July 7, 2010

More Than a Decade Ago

I know this had nothing to do with our trip, but I have been thinking a lot about getting older lately. I am sure it had nothing to do with my then impending 29th birthday when I started to evaluate my mental image of myself in late May. I had realized that the picture I have of myself is a decade old. Every time I look in the mirror I am a little surprised to discover that I am not still nineteen. I still imagine myself as this tiny, cute anime-like character with giant eyes and a button nose.

Sara: The Younger Years

However, my eyes have been shrinking and my nose has been growing. There are more lines around my eyes and mouth, more sun spots. That mole by my eye keeps getting bigger. WTF! I am getting old.

This morning I was doing my morning exercises for my bad back (it's all downhill from here). As I stretched over to the side and reached for my toes, I thought to myself, "I remember a time when I could touch my nose to my knee." Then it occurred to me, it is quite possible that the time I am remembering (which probably comes as a miracle to those of you that are familiar with my memory) was when I was on the track team at Cardinal Ritter High like 1996. Have I reached the age when you look back with bittersweet nostalgia on your high school days? I have at least reached the point in life where you can remember things from more than a decade ago and not realize it is ancient history.

I know I am gonna catch heat from all the really old folks out there that read the blog (I hear that some of them are even older than 40! mamaws and peepaws). I can hear my mom now, "Your complaining about being old. You're only 29!" I am not really complaining about being 29. My problem is I haven't been able to bring my mental picture of myself up-to-date, so I am constantly surprised by not being as young as my imagination would like to believe. I just need to eliminate the element of surprise. Resignation, that is what I need. I must resign myself to never been nineteen again. How depressing.

— Sara


Teresa said...

My constant age in my mind was 21.... it's been 5 years since I was 21 and my mental image of myself is finally starting to age! It helps to gain or lose a large amount of weight... your mental image HAS to change!

Barb Carusillo said...

This process of being surprised to be not as young as your imagination would have you goes on through all of life I bet. I used to think "who are they kidding?" when 70 year olds kept their hair all dyed dark, but now I realize that is how they still see themselves, and cannot reconcile a white haired person in the mirror.

annette said...

in my mind i am still around my 20s.....this will never change but the body sure does. there are benefits to getting older - may as well embrace it cause there is no changing it. the most disturbing part of being 20 in my mind is that when trying to get through tight spaces, i act like my body is 20 - ha! then i get stuck , realizing that there is two of me now.....drat