Saturday, November 22, 2014

Remember that Time I Wore My Nightgown to a Fancy Dress Party?

Last weekend I was in Dallas. We have an MBA program for working professionals in Dallas, and my office was hosting four hours of programming Saturday evening. In addition, that evening was the program's annual Holiday party, since it would be the last class weekend before Thanksgiving, and after Thanksgiving, schedules for working professionals who are also getting their MBAs get a little hectic. I was invited to the holiday party by the program staff. I was told the attire was cocktail / dressy professional.

I drove to Dallas and brought two dresses with me, thinking that one of them would work for the evening. I am a little weird about how to dress for fancy dress events. I want to look cute, but I am also uncomfortable in things with high hemlines or low necklines or tight clothing. It's hard to eschew all those features and not look dowdy though.

It's hard to tell in this picture, but it is the only picture that exists of me in this dress (that I am aware of).

One of the dresses I brought with me actually included a high hemline (well, above the knee, but not really that short), a low v-shaped neckline (I cannot even wear a bra with it), and it was tight. I've only worn it in public three times. A wedding, the closing dinner for the CIBER Business Language Conference, and Cale's SPROM (SPEA's winter dinner/dance). I pair it with a suit jacket to make it seem more professional. Cale picked it out, and to be honest, I look pretty damn hot in it.

However, I am not sure what I was thinking bringing it with me for this event. My new place of employment has turned out to be a little weird about clothes. My boss works from home on Fridays, so it was a month or so before she noticed that I had been observing casual Fridays (i.e. jeans). As it turns out, the MBA Program Office is staunchly anti-jean when school is in session.

This email actually came out not long after my boss told me about the jean situation.

There was no way I was going to be comfortable in my too-sexy dress at this event.

The other dress I brought, I haven't even worn yet. I got it at The Limited on sale (down to $30 from $100). And I thought it looked great in the fitting room, but when I tried it on for Cale at home, he (accurately) pointed out it made me look fat. Not exactly his words of course, but the gist. It is strapless and A-line. The cinched-in area just below the bustline fits me perfectly, but the bust area itself is too blouse-y and with the overall cut, it makes me look bulky. As I have frequently discovered, bigger boobs would solve this problem. There are a lot of problems in life solved by bigger boobs. Though if you ask the busty ladies, the bigger boobs bring on a whole host of other problems.

I put The Limited dress on and just couldn't bring myself to go to this event looking fat.

So there I am, standing in my hotel room in black tights wondering what I am going to put on over them. My options are limited, it needs to be in my suit case.

Which brings me to the nightgown. I had this big, flow, hippy coverup I bought at the tubing place when I needed to get home in a rental car and all I had was a wet bathing suit. It had become my housedress. Cale hated it with the fire of a thousand suns. So I had gone to Target and found something slightly more flattering. It was basically a giant gray tank top with a racer back. And I had that in my suitcase.

I threw the nightgown on over the tights, added my suit jacket, and voila, fancy dress party outfit.

Eh? That'll do.

Luckily, no one noticed I was wearing my nightgown as a dress. I think they were distracted by the fact that I managed to pour the second sip of my first glass of wine down my face and on to the floor.


No comments: